I have a relative who has views on life so opposite to me that I get nervous at the thought of being around them for any length of time as I fear being tipped over the edge. Over the years, actually decades, I’ve learned the art of how to meet on safe neutral ground – talking about kids, dogs and dare I say it the weather. I wonder how a University educated person who has access to all the information that I have can form such different opinions about just about everything, though they probably have grounds to think the same thing.
Yet it irks me that why I can’t have that conversation about … climate change, human rights, economic fairness, the role renewable energy for our future, politics, etc. I know my aversion to conflict especially in family settings where we gather for significant birthdays, weddings and funerals are recipes for just ‘don’t go there’. But when I hear a clanger of an opinion my pulse races and I tense up not knowing how to deal with my urge to challenge and shout.
Then again what would be the purpose knowing that their views are so well entrenched, as mine are? Sometimes it is just to make the gathering realise that their opinion when proffered is not the only one in the room. An unchallenged declaration hangs in the air and can be influential especially when spoken with conviction and certainty as his always are. Then again I think the family should realise where I stand by now. My family spans the political spectrum with me on one end and him on the other! Though I sometimes question my ability to debate under pressure and find that tension difficult.
I realise there has been much written about this subject but taking from an abstract thought to real life is difficult esp for a 9 on the enneagram! Some climate change research suggests not to engage with those with fixed views on the opposite side. Then I hear Richard Rohr in my head going on about the folly of dualistic right wrong thinking and the need for the contemplative mind which is where my active hope is pushing me right now. I hear the question is it that important for my ego to want to have the debate just to prove myself to my family?
So in Active Hope terms, I’m grateful for diversity of opinion. Even though it doesn’t always appeal to my sensibility!
I honour the pain of those whose voices aren’t heard, who are shouted down.
My challenge of a new way of seeing is not to be the one shouting or even wanting to shout over others but to adopt the contemplative mind and embrace the diversity of thought and to be listening instead of judging.
Going forth I know I need to be speaking up but I want that voice to to be non-violent and respectful. To seek to make connections rather than to win the debate. To have the wisdom of knowing when to speak up and how to do it with respect, honesty and with humility.
Photo: recognising we have more in common than our differences
